Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize