I'm really into asian looking animals
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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