I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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