it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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