It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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