dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
