where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize