I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
