garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
