I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
