At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
