Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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