One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
