every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
