New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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