I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
