im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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