i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
