i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
