At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
