epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
