Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
