My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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