the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
