I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
