my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
