Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
