I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
