pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
