Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize