So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am one with the molecules
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
