Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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