We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
