Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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