im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
