I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
