You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize