dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
