I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
