Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize