fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
