Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
