he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
