her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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