It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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