don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
high people should be assigned attendants
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
