It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
