Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
