2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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