hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
