I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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