I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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