im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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