The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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