You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize