You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
