If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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