you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize