you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
