the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
