I am puke
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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