It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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