dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
