OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
