i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
