But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
3pm strippers are depressing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
