Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Say something about gay babies.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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