how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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